Pass or fail?

**Warning: what you are about to read may be considered TMI. So, read at your own risk.**

"Julia, I FAILED the pencil test. FAILED it. And after that, I cried!" says my friend, whose name will remain anonymous to protect her from mortification.

And so the next day, what do I do? I take the test myself. Curiousity is my nemesis. She failed...will I? I've taken it before and passed with flying colors. And I'm okay at tests. Especially if I study. However, this time was unlike the others. This time, it pretty much turned into a disheartening big FAIL.

Big girls don't cry. So I didn't. I just stared in shock.

Imagine this: I had just failed the pencil test. You know, the one that tells you if big Bertha and Barbara are saggy or perky? The one where you stick a pencil underneath one of the big ladies and wait for it to drop?

Droppage is good. If the boobs can't hold the pencil up, you've got perky knockers. But if the pencil stays, and is compressed by big Bertha because she has decided to drop to the floor, you're shit out of luck.

Good-bye perkiness.

Hello, boobs to my knees.

So this time, I failed. I don't know what changed.

Maybe it's my age.

I'm nearing 27.

Maybe it was the width of the pencil.

It was rather slim.

Maybe it was my posture.

I was slouching a little.

Maybe it was the gravity.

It did seem to feel stronger today.

Either way, the inevitable happened today.

What does it all mean?

Well, it's literally all down hill from here. And it's only going to get worse. Most importantly, since I failed, it will no longer be appropriate to go bra-less ever again. (I'm not sure why I'm upset about this because the only time I'm really bra-less is when I'm in bed.)

Anywhoo, I failed the pencil test. I can't do it over. I can't raise my grade. The test has been taken and I am left to ponder over the "less than perky" results.