Topic of the day

Why is it that I find this picture a little disturbing?

Setting:

My classroom

3:15 PM

Students are gathered on the rug for an important meeting.

Me: Boys and girls we need to have a lecture..errr, meeting.

We need to talk about something terrible that is happening in our classroom. Something so terrible that could have an even more terrible consequence.

Gasps are heard around the room.

Me: It's called k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

Random kids who can spell (in a whisper voice): ::gasp:: Kissing! Kissing!

Me: Yes, kissing. Kissing is something you do to your mom or dad.

Mason: Or sister!

Me: Raise your hand. Or sister. And at school it's prohibited.

Kassie: What's that?

Me: Not allowed. Let's all say prohibited.

Kids: Prohibbabated.

Me: Prohibited.

Kids: Prohibated.

Me: Kissing is prohibited. Say it.

Kids: Kissing is prohibited.

Me: Good. We don't kiss each other on the head. Or on the shoulder, or on the cheek or the lips.

Kids: EWWWW!

Me: I KNOW. G-r-o-s-s. Instead we can give a hug, handshake or hi-five to someone that is our friend, like I do with you. Why do you think I don't kiss all of you?

Jackie: Because you'd get FIRED!

(Apparently his parents taught him about MaryKay LaTourneau.)

Greg: And because the principal would yell at you!

Me: You are both right. I wouldn't be your teacher anymore.

Kids: NO!

Me: YES. And do you know what happens to little kids who kiss their friends in school?

Kids: WHAT?

Me: (voice is quiet) SOmething so awful that I can't even talk about it. I'm scared to even tell you. It's that bad.

Kids: Oh my goodness!

Me: I know. That's why, in our class, we never kiss. Save it for your mama. Any questions?

cue birds chirping.

Now I'm just hoping that no one kisses. Because something incredibly awful will happen which I am unprepared for: I will have to think of a punishment.