The Paparazzi

His name was Carlos. He called himself “Carlos ‘The Paparazzi.’”

He was not a quiet man. No, not at all quiet. He ran around our catamaran making sure everyone was having the time of their lives.

He went from person to person, videotaping and snapping pictures of every terrible dance move, he blasted music by Britney Spears, got down with the girls, and poured cheap rum into plastic cups.

In essence, Carlos did anything and everything that he could to, in the end, get a nice tip from each drunk customer who had already shelled out an extra 160 dollars (if they got played for fools...us? fools? naahhhhhh...) to attend this island excursion.

When he realized that the LG doesn’t get played twice, Persistent Paparazzi Carlos, grabbed my camera and instructed me and the LG to follow.

“I am professionale photographer. You will see. Stand here. YOU. Here.”

(I am then instructed to climb on the trunk of a palm tree.)

“Here??!” I ask.

“Yes, but not like that. Like zeees.”

(He demonstrates a fancy pose, which I know, deep down, I will never be able to replicate quite so perfectly.)

I get on the palm tree and grab on for dear life. But not for long.

“Now YOU.” Now he points to the LG, who is looking at Carlos with the widest smile I have ever seen.

Wow, what a sweetie. He’s really into this! I think.

(Later I discover this smile was genuinely fake- to hide the LG’s own discomfort and dissatisfaction with ”The Paparazzi.”)

Carlos helps the LG climb up. Forces me to cross my arms, and grabs the LG’s hands so that he and I are holding hands like we mean it.

And he begins to snap away.

The verdict?

Haha...well, the LG is going to kill me for this one. But, what the heck. The result is a picture that I will never forget. I will forever remember the corniness that is this picture.

So please...take note of our wide smiles, our natural positions, and our hand holding. It’s so freaking sweet I could barf. And if you look very closely, you might even see something of a (could it be??) glimmer coming from the LG’s eye.

Bwwwwwwahahahahahahahahaha. Bwwwwwwwahhhhhhhh!

Oh yeah, and after this shot, the LG slipped Carlos “The Paparazzi” a tip. Shocked at the kind notion, Carlos thanked us insincerely and sprinted off to find another couple of fools with a few bucks in their wallet.